Shirley Pipe Band

What is Worn Under the Kilt?

As with any pipe band, the question we are asked most often is not "Can you play Amazing Grace / The Flower of Scotland" but "What do you wear under your kilt?". Here is a selection of answers:

What Do You Wear Under Your Kilt?

Andy Hill cannot resist checking....
  • Nothing is worn under the Kilt. It is all in perfect working order.
  • I never answer that question on a first date
  • A matching set!
  • They have been in the family for as long as I can remember....
  • Sweat!
  • Well, enough to say it scared the milkman's horse when I bent down to pick up today's delivery
  • I'm breaking them in for Linford Christie
  • I don't know... I daren't look!
  • Talcum Powder
  • Well, they came from the Furs counter in Rackhams and are size XXL
  • I'll show you mine if you show me yours!
  • If you have warm hands and short fingernails you can find out for yourself
  • Socks and shoes
  • Same as yours, only bigger!
  • How badly do you want to know?
  • How warm are your hands?
  • Me mother once told me a real lady wouldn't ask. She was right, God bless 'er.
  • My Scottish pride.
  • On a good day, lipstick.
  • Play your cards right and you can find out.
  • Sorry, I'm a bit shy and not much good with words. Give me your hand...
  • A wee set of pipes.
  • Bagpipes, wanna give 'em a blow?
  • It's the smallest airport in the world.....2 hangars and a night fighter.
  • String -- I had to tie it up so it didnít hang below the kilt.

If you can suggest further answers then please send suggestions to our webmaster at
The real answer is that there is no band ruling and, if you can imagine it, somebody is probably wearing it. Or not wearing it, as the case may be!

George Sands demonstrates what is under his kilt during a visit to Auxerre, France in 1982.

This photo of an unknown piper in another band was forwarded by email. If you can identify who it is then please notify our webmaster at
Maybe this stool belongs to him?

Sometimes you can blame the wind....

....but often it's just plain carelessness....
....and shouldn't you stand to attention when next to the Queen?

Hunting Stewart Tartan - Shirley Pipe Band

Finally, a Poem

Well, a Scotsman clad in kilt left a bar one evening fair,
And one could tell by how he walked that he'd drunk more than his share.
He fumbled 'round until he could no longer keep his feet,
And he stumbled off into the grass to sleep beside the street.

About that time two young and lovely girls just happend by,
One says to the other with a twinkle in her eye:
"See yon sleeping Scotsman, so strong and handsome built?
I wonder if it's true what they don't wear beneath the kilt!"

They crept up on that sleeping Scotsman quiet as could be;
Lifted up his kilt about an inch so they could see.
And there, behold, for them to view beneath his Scottish skirt,
Was nothin' more than God had graced him with upon his birth.

They marvelled for a moment, then one said: "We must be gone.
Let's leave a present for our friend before we move along."
As a gift they left a blue silk ribbon tied into a bow,
Around the bonnie star the Scotsman's kilt did lift and show.

Now the Scotsman woke to nature's call, and stumbled towards the trees.
Behind the bush he lifts his kilt, and gawks at what he sees.
And in a startled voice he says, to what's before his eyes,
"Oh, lad I don't know where ye been, but I see ye won first prize!"

This poem was again forwarded by email. If you can identify the author then please send a message to our webmaster at

Hunting Stewart Tartan - Shirley Pipe Band

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